(Sat in Fig + Sparrow yesterday for hours, reading Captivating once again and meditating on the thoughts that jump out at me. There was a thought avalanche. And I found myself looking deeper within my soul.)
I remember praying about the nations yesterday. Amongst other things.
I remember asking for a Fire from above that burns deep within; that will not contend with remaining shut up in my bones. For the greater things that have been promised.
I remember cursing my own humanity – the weakness, the fear, the instability, the double-mindedness.
Why do we always settle for less?
Why do we not see that there is a crown given unto us?
I wrote this 2 years ago:
The world tells us we are not worth it; it strips away self-worth, makes us believe we can be traded away for less, that we can be thrown aside like rag dolls. But we are so much more. Each of us a unique creation, knitted together by a Creator who holds us in the palm of His hand and sings over us. Do not let the world tell you that you are worth so much less. We are worth so much more. Because to an Almighty God, we are priceless. And we are beautiful in His eyes.
I hope you see it. Not with your eyes, but with your heart.
There is a battle for my soul that rages on.
It is true that there is deep yearning, a longing for greater things, for adventures I cannot dream up with my own limited perspective.
Beauty does inspire. It is fleeting and ‘transcendent’ as John and Staci Eldredge describe in Captivating.
Its temporal nature leaves us in awe and desiring more.
There is a glory calling out to you. (Captivating)
Thankfully the truth is not only are we captivated by a beautiful God, we captivate Him too.
God wants us to seek him. He wants to be sought after too.
Forget the sappy romance novels and films… you’re right smack in the middle of the most epic romance of all.
You and the Father.
For all eternity.
He loves you. He sees you. He knows you inside and out. He pursues you with an intensity none can match.
All the good gifts He stores up and gives to you.
You know that deep-seated longing?
That longing to be seen? To be heard?
To be loved? To be protected? To be fought for?
The Father is ready to do all of that. He already has begun through what Jesus did on the Cross.
There’s no longer a need to dash about and getting hurt, getting angry.
There is freedom freely available.
He waits not only with open arms… the Father calls you by name.
He runs to you. He knocks on the door of your heart, waiting.
All that’s left to do is to invite Him in.
But when it comes to putting broken lives back together— when it comes, in religious terms, to the saving of souls—the human best tends to be at odds with the holy best.
To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed by the holy power that life itself comes from.
You can survive on your own. You can grow strong on your own. You can even prevail on your own. But you cannot become human on your own.
Surely that is why, in Jesus’ sad joke, the rich man has as hard a time getting into Paradise as that camel through the needle’s eye because with his credit card in his pocket, the rich man is so effective at getting for himself everything he needs that he does not see that what he needs more than anything else in the world can be had only as a gift. He does not see that the one thing a clenched fist cannot do is accept, even from le bon Dieu himself, a helping hand.
– Frederick Buechner (The Sacred Journey)
It’s true. We clench our fists so tightly that He can’t get close to give us the healing we need. We rush around trying to save ourselves… but all we need to do is be still and be open. To allow the Healer, the Surgeon to come in and bind us up. To restore us.
After identifying the wound, to let go is the next step to healing.
There has been an underlying theme in my prayers recently – the prayer to invite Him in. It wasn’t planned, but something just nudged me into it.
It’s acknowledging Him and my own weakness.
Acknowledging my need for His way in my life and not my own.
More of You, less of me.
(If you’re wondering why it feels unfinished… it is. Too much for one post. I’ll be writing another.)