deep only.

This was birthed out of some time I spent thinking on Bank Holiday Monday morning and a lot of time talking to 2 wonderful friends that night. Well, technically-speaking, most of what I’m going to write here was written that morning… but funnily enough, our conversation that night happened to be on the same topic. So coincidental I was slightly taken aback. But well, life.

———-

26/5/2014 Bank Holiday Monday

So I just spent some time talking to myself. Lol I know how that sounds… but I was on about how I enjoyed walking along River Thames and the bridges when I’m in London. And sitting at the benches in the open area by the Tower Bridge.

I was on about how the music I happened to be plugged in to – whether it being the slow folk tunes or the fast up-tempo dance numbers or… just being unplugged and listening to the sudden quiet of the surroundings and people talking as they walked on by – makes up the different experiences. Experiences as in the thoughts and feelings that are brought up. The saying “You make your own experiences” springs to mind.

And yes, I know the whole having earphones plugged in whilst enjoying the scenery seems a bit off but then again, it was all part of living out the various ebbs and flows.

I’m reminded of the time I sat at home on the living room sofa during last summer break. Sat facing the open windows that brought in a light breeze. Enjoyed it so much that I decided to just sit there for 15-20min. Yup, just sat there with my legs propped on the armrest. And I remember how F asked me what I did and I told her and she was like “Just sat there staring into space?! HAHAHA.” Something along those lines, basically sent her into peals of laughter.

Well, not the first time I’ve sat in a place for ages just chilling/thinking/pondering.

Which brings me to the thought: I just feel that in our current world, people and things are just screaming and shouting at us for attention and we need to have the time and space to be still. To look within. To spend time with ourselves. To do “nothing”.

People are always chasing. Chasing new experiences; chasing the newest things. But there comes a point when they stop/trip/are forced to stop and they go into freefall.

And they realize there’s nothing to fall on.

Because they’ve just been chasing and neglecting to build.

Our society just has us chasing and chasing. Not slowing down, going at 200 miles an hour.

To do nothing isn’t really doing nothing.

It’s looking at yourself. And sometimes the things you come up with out of the quiet and the calm can be a struggle, but also a source of strength.

An honest look and reflection of our journeys and experiences thus far.

We don’t do that enough. Perhaps we are too afraid of what we might find; perhaps we are too afraid of the quiet, to be alone with ourselves.

—–

That night, J came down for an impulse day trip and we met up at S’s place and talked the night away essentially. So much so I had to catch the last night bus home LOL, but it was worth it.

Feel like I should have written as soon as I got home from that, but I was too tired.

We talked about life, purpose and faith. Contentment. Whether we are justified doing things just for the experience or is it alright because it will still shape our souls and hearts anyway. Whether there is only one straight plan for us or are there different options laid out ahead of us – “Go ahead, pick one.” And a whole lot of other issues. My brain was definitely working at full capacity that night.

One thing that stuck with me was the mindset of being content in God because we look ahead to the good that is promised to us. It’s a forward-looking, looking-ahead mindset. To be at peace with wherever you’re at, believing there will be better ahead but also satisfied if nothing turns up eventually. Definitely different from the commonly-prevailing views.

Another one was how I was just telling someone else another day about how a certain degree of dissatisfaction is what keeps people moving. And how J and S and I ended up talking about how that fits next to being content with where we are at. I guess there’s never one straight answer. Sometimes the answers to the questions always seem paradoxical – being still but still moving forward, being broken to be whole, and in this case, being content but dissatisfied?

I don’t know.

But what I do know is this. I miss such conversations. Conversations that force me to ponder, to think, to dig deep. With people who I trust, people I look up to, people who understand and are living the same struggles albeit in different forms.

—–

Reading back I’m like what the heck am I writing. But oh well, convoluted thoughts are kinda my thing. Hopefully you gleaned something new from this – even if it’s a little thought.

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