Year 2 Day 1

First day back in Manchester and once the plane landed, the grey and gloomy weather was already welcoming us back. So typical – drizzle and all. Played the usual hide-and-seek when waiting for my cab since cab drivers never know where to wait at T2 hahaha. In the words of my cab driver, it is an ‘awkward’ place for pickups.

Finally got to my new place and met A. Tried to unpack my boxes, did get through some stuff, chilled in the hall and crashed on the sofa. Woke up for dinner all dazed, so I just boiled some chicken and veg to go with my noodles. Talk about anyhow cooking. Oh yah, heaters in my house are not working so boohoo. Thing about a house… some things have to be bought – ironing boards, drying racks etc. I think a lot of my things are going to have to stay in boxes lol.

But anyway… I think I’m caught in a place where my head knows I’m missing home but I’m not thinking much about it. Because I know if I think about it, homesickness will hit me hard. I guess one good thing now is that I’m living with A and C so I’ll have people to talk to. Feeling guilty because I didn’t get to say bye to dad face-to-face. Feeling slightly better because I’ve met most of the people I wanted to. Feeling sad because I want more time with my mum. Feeling weird because V and I are growing up too fast. Death is an instant clarifier.

…ah hell, what happened to not thinking. Even letting my thoughts jump there for a bit awakens thoughts that threaten to overwhelm. I cannot, I must not. 3 months – it’s doable. Come on.

Perhaps because I’ve drifted too far away from the shore, I’m losing sight of who You are. Futilely paddling and going in circles. I want to fall back in Your arms, but I can’t remember how to anymore.

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