time for growth.

Jesus promised those who would follow him only three things… that they would be absurdly happy, entirely fearless, and always in trouble. – Gregg Levoy

I’m in a new season; I feel it in my soul. Doing things a little differently day by day. The way I’m approaching relationships is changing. The way I pray, worship, live is evolving. It’s funny sometimes when I sit and think, it’s like zooming out and seeing how I’m different from a week, a month, a year ago.

A year ago, I wouldn’t be this honest. Even when talking to friends, silence was the overriding response. Not simply ‘not talking’, but just talking about things that don’t really matter, things that just roll off without thought, things that don’t cost me anything. It’s now changing to ‘daring to put yourself out there’ slowly – more of saying what should be said and not holding back out of fear.

It’s like rediscovering who I am. Most of the time, I have all these thoughts in my head, zooming about at a million miles an hour. And it seems like I’m just being quiet/silent/not interesting/zoning out… when all it is is I’m just trying to work out this mess of thoughts. Once in a while someone gets that and asks me what’s up. And usually, I don’t really know cos it’s so convoluted, so raw that I don’t really know what to say. But now, I’m trying. I’m trying to let it out somewhere. Most of the time in prayer, other times here, or once in a while when I’m talking to someone.

Taking new risks: saying things that I feel needs to be put out there and waiting (still) with bated breath for a response, plugging in more into church, plugging in more into God.

I’ve forgotten how it’s like to be plugged into God and church, but last Sunday was amazing. It was easy, like hanging with family, even though I haven’t been around that much. Starting conversations more than I usually would was new, kinda weird, but good. And joining connections wasn’t something I saw myself actually doing, but in the spirit of taking risks, why not? Since I’m in a new season, might as well live like I’m in a new season.

Guess reading John Ortberg’s ‘If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to get out of the boat’ was a good idea. There’s no growth if I’m not stepping out in faith. And there’s nothing to lose since Jesus has redeemed me anyway and there’s no way I’m going to be able to mess up His plans. So… why not?

In other random news, I think I want to do a marathon back home after graduating. That sounds feasible. I think. Or bungee jump. Hm. Sense of adventure’s coming back, I see. But that marathon itch has come and gone a couple of times already, so we’ll see in 2 years time… hmm. I think it’s just the memory of that whole adventure with God that is making me dream of doing it again. Gah… It was amazing.

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