tired.

It’s been a tiring day. In the workshop all day 9.30-5.30 and I haven’t finished my transradial prostheses aka arm prostheses. Not that I’m slow, honestly. Just a lack of working stations and all the confusion ‘cos lamination is a complicated multi-step process…

But yeah… end of a Thursday and I’m aching all over. Not helped by the fact that I decided that walking back from Tesco with all my shopping was a good cardio substitute. Why do I do these things to myself? Haha… And gotta get to uni early tomorrow to finish my cast for fitting at 10.30. Hm.

Times like these I ask myself… why did I pick P&O? Like seriously. I was joking with Edna my Scottish coursemate about why international students apply to come to dodgy Salford or the UK even? And she was like “Yeah, you guys are crazy! Why would you leave the nice warm weather to come here?!” Laughed especially hard when we talked about how we’d all trudge into the uni cafe in our clinical white coats + bulky safety boots with plaster in our hair/on our face/on our hands etc. vs everyone else who looks nicely dressed and groomed. It’s hilarious really, when we descend in white coats at lunch time…rushing in and grabbing a sub/takeaway box and running off to our isolated building haha. Our territory.

But yeah, definitely picked the hard life over the comfortable. Days like this I really question my decision. Or perhaps why I didn’t just go off to Melbourne instead – closer to home, better weather, closer lifestyle maybe. But well… in my head, I still know I’m where I’m supposed to be. It’s just… yeah, life’s tough.

I know now it sounds like I’m just whining about being tired and I sound like I’m being a baby… but yeah, it’s not only that. Just that I’ve no idea how to put those other things down in words. Not in a way that’ll do it justice anyway. So you’ll have to settle for this whiny crap. Ha.

Sometimes I miss lying down on the floor at home/wherever I feel like it. Letting the world go by around me. Listening to the sounds. Getting out of my head for a bit. Feeling my pulse slow down. Forgetting whatever’s revolving in my brain at a thousand miles an hour. Just being.

Well, time to admit it: sometimes I just feel like having someone that I can just sit with or cry with once in a while. I don’t know… maybe it’s just the ‘being away from home’ thing. Hm.

oh dear. crumbling, are we?

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