deeply

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed. – Margaret Storm Jameson

The phrases “live deeply”  and “feel deeply” have been ringing in my head ever since the start of the year.

I guess it’s a good thing. I guess it makes me a better person.

But remembering how my mum’s hands feel like now isn’t helping me much with coping with being away from home again and knowing this separation will be for a longer period than before.

Not one to cry but I have, many times, in the past 24 hours. I used to think this wouldn’t happen to me. But it has. All in the name of being moulded into a better version of myself I guess.

Sometimes I think my issue now is that I’m starting to feel things too deeply. I’m becoming too sensitive. Too emotional. Too vulnerable. Too weak.

…who is to say ‘vulnerable’ isn’t good for me? Again and again I’m reminded that we have to broken in order to be made whole. It’s in our brokenness that our hearts are awakened to the fact that we need someone, something larger than ourselves to make us whole. To complete us. To reach deep into the recesses of our dark souls, our scarred hearts to clean and to fix what has been damaged. To reassure our innermost self that it’s alright. That we’re safe. That we can finally…finally let it go.

let the weight drop.

 

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