During service today, I felt a jolt of sadness. Sad because I was aware of my own lack of enthusiasm and passion for God. I was concentrated on worshipping but I just felt even though I was focused, it just lacked heart in a way. And it isn’t the first time something like this has been bothering me… I have realised that although things I understand/know about God has been sticking in my head, they have not sunk into my spirit/heart.
John 4:23-24 talks about worshipping ‘in spirit and in truth’, what does that even mean? Had a good prayer time where God brought me to place of brokenness…and I wonder at the fact that I, as a broken person, am able to worship as a whole person because of what Jesus has done and with the Holy Spirit within me. Worship is our hearts on their knees. Try imagining that (pretty cartoonish I’ll admit). It’s so mind-boggling, that only when we are broken, then we can be whole. All at the same time.
I find that a lot of things with God is as turned around as that. Only when we have been emptied, then we can be filled. This is just another one of them.
Perhaps I have to keep coming back to God broken. And only in my brokenness can I find my heart pounding again for God and His Kingdom. It’s been a while since my heart pounded in expectation or just in excitement for God.
I want that back. I want You.